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Archive for December, 2009

There is no emotional “shared risk” program

I’d planned on writing a post-Christmas summary of what’s been going on in Babyland.

However, I read something yesterday from our online friend and fellow blogger Myndi that simply broke my heart. She suffered a miscarriage on Dec 23. As a small sign of solidarity and in respect for her mourning, I’m going to defer further baby-related updates until after the New Year.

I was very shaken by this turn of events. Indeed, I cried (literally and which, frankly, surprised me) after reading what had happened and could hardly bring myself to tell L (who was also shaken and moved by the news). I’m not sure that I would have been more upset had Myndi been a friend in “real life” or even had she been a sister (of course, I’m an only child — so there’s really no way to know). Then again, our online IVF community is—in many ways—not detached from “real life”… indeed, I speak more of these matters to you (all two…perhaps three now… of you reading these posts) than I do to most of the people in the “real world.”

I also can’t imagine what it most be like to go through such a loss. I realize miscarriage is always an “option.” It is, in fact, a natural (if unpleasant) element of the process of human reproduction. Intellectually, I get that. Indeed, that’s one of the reasons why we opted for the shared risk program, which “protects” you by allowing multiple chances until you successfully bring home a live baby from the hospital. Yet, I also realize—now more than ever—that the program lacks any sort of emotional shared risk. And, that can be a far heavier burden to carry.

So, I find myself feeling sad about Myndi’s loss, grateful (and a bit guilty) for our good fortune, and really hopeful that things work out for Myndi and PB in the near future (as well as continue to run smoothly for us).

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T-minus 66 Days (And Counting)

Well, it’s been a little while since my last update. As I seem to suck at keeping up this blogging thing, I thought I’d share a few recent “news” highlights.

Nursery Progress

I’ve finally finished the “construction work” in the nursery. It’s now painted and ready to fill with decorations / furniture (of which we’ve started… I just lack photos). Anyway, here are a few photos:

Adding the pink

Installing the chair railing

Completed project

4D Ultrasound – Take Two

Last week, we did another 4D ultrasound at 29 weeks. We did the $100 “peek-a-boo” session. It was fun to “see” the baby again and reassuring to know that everything looks great. But, in all honesty the “wow factor” was kind of gone, because we’d already seen 3D images and (advice to those behind us) 29 weeks is a little late to get great pictures.

A little late? Huh?

Yes, a little late. You see, by this time, the baby is so large that there’s relatively little room free space in the womb. As a result, it’s difficult to get a full shot of anything without other structures/anatomy in the way. So, my advice would be to do a 4D ultrasound earlier even though the baby won’t be quite as baked yet.

Minor Crisis Averted

One morning this week, L freaked because her hands had starting swelling to the point that her wedding ring no longer fit without marked discomfort. She concluded that she simply couldn’t wear it to work. She was really upset. (Strange? Perhaps. But, she’s invested in these things.)

Anyway, she sent me a frantic text message later in the afternoon, confirming her worst fears. Apparently, some moron at work asked her “if something was wrong with Paul” based on the missing ring. Really? Who notices these things, on a pregnant woman nonetheless, and on the first day that the ring was “missing”? Get a life!

Fortunately, being the Greatest (and most modest) Husband in the History of the World, I’d already gone out that morning to a jewelry store and purchased her a “temporary” wedding ring (which is reasonably nice and just enough “non-wedding-bandy” that she can wear it decoratively on a larger finger on her other hand later).

Major bonus points, baby. Major points.

And it’s a reminder of my “Golden Rule of Pregnancy for Men”:

What the pregnant lady wants, the pregnant lady gets.

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