The blessings of infertility
Today, I witnessed something sublime: the transfer of two perfectly-formed, microscope embryos from a Petri dish into my wife’s uterus.
I don’t say this lightly, carelessly throwing the word around as a mere adjective.
I literally mean sublime: something that is supreme, without equal, and awe inspiring.
Intellectually, I easily comprehend the process of IVF in terms of science and technology: the union of a human egg and sperm, brought together outside of the human body to divide and grow, and then returned to its natural home. Right, I get it.
Yet, I sat in the embryo transfer room today transfixed by the experience.
The entire process—from L getting in and out of the stirrups—lasted maybe 10 minutes. The actual embryo transfer was completed in just seconds. But, in these brief moments, I had a rush of thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
Most of all, I was struck with a sense of awe.
I was witness to the creation of a human life in its earliest stages. And, if successful, that life would be the one of my child. Talk about a moment of clarity. For perhaps the first time, I fully and deeply understood not just the process, but also the possibilities, of IVF.
This must be what Kant described as the “noble sublime.”
I was left speechless, holding back tears, and sitting in quite wonder.
Today was an amazing gift. I realize some people are fortunate in conceiving children easily. For us, it has been a struggle. But, now we’ve had a rare and wondrous experience too. For that, I’m grateful.
No matter what the future holds, I hope that I’m able to hold onto this day.
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